I am learning that life is all about seasons. We go through seasons of difficulty followed by seasons where life seems to just go “right.” We have seasons where we are planting, followed by seasons of reaping a harvest. Oftentimes, when we are facing difficult times, it is almost impossible for us to understand the purpose of the pain. The difficult times that we experience are meant to help us grow and prepare us for what may lie ahead in an upcoming season. Once we have made it through that particular trial or tribulation, we have a better understanding of what that difficult season was meant for.
As we enter into Fall season, the hot and sunny days are replaced with cooler weather and the beautiful Fall colors. The Fall season can be especially difficult for those who are battling infertility. As children have returned to school, mom’s proudly post their “back-to-school” pictures, flooding your timelines and feeds on social media. I used to scroll through social media as quickly as possible to get past all of the pictures of the little smiling kids with their over-sized book bags. These sort of posts were just another reminder of something that was missing from my life…another reminder that I was not yet a mother.
Fall also brings Halloween, which is another time that parents proudly dress their children up and post a dozen pictures of their little witches and superheroes on social media. For many years I would sit home in the dark hoping to avoid the trick-or-treaters (sorry mom, your kids are adorable, but for those who don’t have children of their own, passing out candy can bring on tons of emotions.) I would reminisce about the Halloween traditions I had with my mom as a kid. I wasn’t raised to “celebrate” Halloween so I never got to wear costumes or go trick-or-treating. Instead, we would stay inside and carve pumpkins, make pumpkin seeds and bake cookies. As I got a little older I remember my mom rustling through her makeup bag and using some of her old lipstick and eye shadow to make my face up, just so I wouldn’t feel like I was missing out on dressing up for Halloween!
However it is that you choose to celebrate the seasons changing, whether you have children or not, do your best to create traditions. This will be Victory’s first Halloween and I am still deciding what traditions we will begin to create with her. One thing’s for sure, I cannot wait to take her to the pumpkin patch so that we can choose a pumpkin to carve! These are the moments I waited my whole life for – being able to celebrate holidays with my daughter and create memories that she will cherish as she grows older! Although this may not seem like a big deal to most people, when you’ve spent 10 years waiting for the opportunity to carve a pumpkin for your baby, it is a huge deal! There were so many moments in my difficult season of infertility that I never thought I would have the opportunity to do things like visit the pumpkin patch with my daughter! Infertility has definitely taught me not to take anything for granted and to cherish every moment with Victory!
Regardless of what season you find yourself in, seasons come and go. Difficult seasons don’t last forever. Spring ALWAYS comes after winter! The winter never lasts forever! Even though my season of infertility lasted TEN years, it just made me appreciate my sweet Victory even more! There were so many times where I just wanted to give up, but right when things got the most uncomfortable for me, I was blessed with the greatest miracle I have ever received. Now I realize just why I couldn’t give up!
Maybe your difficult season isn’t infertility. It could be a health or financial challenge you are hoping to overcome. I know it is so hard, but allow yourself to learn whatever it is you are supposed to learn during this season. I promise when you make it through, things are going to make so much sense! If you like worship music, listen to Seasons and Oceans by Hillsong. These songs got me through some of the most difficult times during my infertility journey.
The fall season makes me miss being back home in Michigan where I can enjoy apple cider and fresh donuts from the cider mill (seriously Arizona, you don’t have any cider mills out here?!) Enjoy sweater weather and pumpkin spice (if that’s your thing) and try to embrace whatever this season in your life may bring!
xx Candace
I know
Though the winter is long even richer
The harvest it brings
Though my waiting prolongs even greater
Your promise for me like a seed
I believe that my season will come
