Starting over isn’t fun and glamorous. Here’s the side that many people don’t show you. After divorce, I had NOTHING. I worked hard for almost 8 months and was finally able to get my own apartment. I had NO furniture. I had no money.
I bought myself an air mattress and a little blanket for my first night in my apartment. After struggling to inflate the mattress, I laid down with my little cover (in the middle of winter and I was freezing cold). Then, the air mattress began to deflate slowly. I could hear the air seeping out as I laid my cold little buns on the air mattress, trying to get comfortable.
I woke up the next morning on the floor. Then it happened. I began to cry hysterically and I couldn’t stop. Partly because, here I was, a divorced single mom in an empty apartment sleeping on the floor. The other part of me cried tears of joy to be in my own place where I finally had peace. I took this picture knowing that one day it could possibly encourage someone else in my situation. That was almost 2 years ago.
Anything you see me with now, just know it came from good old fashioned hard work, dedication, and, most importantly, God being a provider for me and my daughter. It still makes absolutely no sense how I’ve been making it financially, except God sustaining me.
No one knows how difficult these past several years have been for me. I left behind a life that was comfortable to find peace and true happiness. From separation to divorce to custody battles, these all have tested my faith well beyond my limits. But God! I know he is going to show up for me, even when I can’t see how it’s going to work out, I still trust him. I guess that is why it is called faith.
I am walking into a new season. A season where I don’t have to always be strong. A season where I can be loved in the way I deserve to be loved. A season where God is giving me back double what I lost. I’m claiming it and if I haven’t gotten there yet, it just means God isn’t finished. 
I recently got my fingers tattooed, something I never imagined I would do. Each symbol has very special meaning for me:
- Index finger: Arrows which represent that God directs my path
- Middle finger: My faith is anchored in Christ
- Ring finger: (the word resilience was previously tattooed on the side as well) Eight dots. The number eight represents new beginnings and was also my previous wedding date, 8-8-08, so the number eight came full circle in my life after divorce.
- Pinky Finger: A lotus flower which means strength, resilience, and rebirth
Here’s to new beginnings, whatever that may look like for you. There is a beautiful life waiting for you, if you are willing to go after it 
I’d love to hear about your new beginning.
xx Candace
Sometimes your life looks like it is broken into a million pieces, when really, starting over is the perfect opportunity to create a life that looks more like what you deserve.
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